I’m fairly certain that this is a first. I can not remember ever starting a blog at 4:30 in the morning before! We can thank an amazing little steroid shot for that one. We have now made it to almost 33 weeks!! My doctor here in Denver recommended that we get this one last round of steroids to give little William’s lungs an extra boost, because he is quite certain that we will not be making it to 40 weeks. So at yesterday’s office visit, out came the needle! Ouch. The nurse cautioned that this drug usually makes mama antsy and restless, and gives babies hiccups and extra energy for a few days. Sure enough!! I’ll be going back today for the second round. But tonight I will remember this feeling and the need to take some Benadryl before bed. Laying wide awake in bed all night is so NOT restful, I’ve learned! So instead of continuing to keep my poor husband awake, I decide to unload on you, my faithful readers. Aren’t you excited?? 😉
For years now, I have dreamed of being able to see Beth Moore live. Living in Southern Mexico for several years has given me a profound appreciation for her ministry, and the way God uses her to speak straight to my heart. I love how Texan she is. 🙂 It feels like home. Whenever we are looking at visiting the US for a few weeks, I head to Beth’s website to check event dates. Just in case we’ve timed it well and I can sneak it in somewhere. No luck. Until about a month ago! My mom (who knows I am a huge Beth fan) wrote and asked if I saw that Beth was coming. What?? No! It hadn’t occurred to me that our new reality of living in the US, waiting for Will’s birth, would allow me such a dream come true! But it’s in Springs. We are in North Denver. How could we make it work? But it did. The dr said I had to go in a wheelchair, and know where the nearest hospital was, but I got the go-ahead. Ahh! So excited!
Living Proof Live was absolutely everything I imagined it would be. Travis Cottrell (Beth’s praise and worship guy) was amazing. If you do not already have one of his CDs, you are missing out. Beth was even more engaging in real life. Within the first few minutes of her taking the stage, she had pulled out Act 20:24… I almost fell out of my wheelchair! That verse has become near and dear to me in the last year or so. “My” verse. Right then, I knew God had something to say to me.
The motto for the weekend was: Follow Me = Follow Through. It was about finishing well. When she used the example of pregnancy (we are always SO excited to begin, but not so excited to finish), I laughed out loud! Was she speaking right at me?? Did someone tip her off that I would be there?? But no, I was just one of 4,700 women in that arena. She wasn’t speaking at me… God was!
Finishing feels so daunting right now. I feel utterly conflicted in my desires, 24/7. We hit the 32 week mark last Thursday, which is HUGE! The drs were so sure we wouldn’t make it this far. But here we are! When I look back on the last 9 weeks, I can see God’s hand so clearly. He has not held out in the miracles department! And I am so deeply thankful. If Will was born today, he would probably be totally fine. 9 weeks ago, he had a 10% chance of survival… to say nothing of his chances of a HEALTHY life! God has definitely moved on our behalf. And then I look forward. 7 more weeks of this? Really?
Allow me just a moment of sheer whining, as I give you a glimpse into the reality of bedrest. The discomfort is constant. Since Will dropped so early, I have a hard time sitting, standing, walking, sleeping… you name it. My abdominal muscles are tearing from the strain, and being so inactive is doing things to my poor body that it will take me a long time to un-do. Then there is the psychological strain of not being able to DO. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, playing with my girls, doing things and going places with my husband… all off-limits. God is definitely using this time to humble me… and cure me of a few OCD tendencies. I do not share all of this for your sympathy, but to hopefully help you remember that the next time you hear of a pregnant woman on bedrest, don’t be jealous. It’s not as relaxing as it sounds. 😉
God isn’t like us… He doesn’t excitedly start 130 projects and finally finish 1. What He starts, He finishes. I am convinced, with every fiber of my being, that God has started a work in my son. He has amazing plans for his life. I can hardly wait to see what they are! In the meantime, I want to finish this part well. Not merely survive it, but thrive in it. Grow through it. Learn every little lesson that God had in mind when He wrote this part of our story.
No one has a clue as to when this pregnancy will be over. Could be tomorrow, could be the end of next month. (Yes, I admit I’m hoping for the beginning of August rather than the end!) But one thing is for sure…. I want to finish well!
I love the Amplified version of “my” verse. I will leave you on that note, in hopes that you are inspired to finish well whatever race you find yourself in today!
Acts 20:24 But none of these things move me; neither do I esteem my life dear to myself, if only I may finish my course with joy and the ministry which I have obtained from [which was entrusted to me by] the Lord Jesus, faithfully to attest to the good news (Gospel) of God’s grace (His unmerited favor, spiritual blessing, and mercy).