Where to even begin typing what’s on my heart tonight?
I am really tired. We brought home 22 people from the airport last night. Climbed into bed at 12:30 am and then tossed and turned until 2:30 because of the pain in my mouth. Though I’m not positive, I think I’ve either cracked a tooth or ground a filling off of it, exposing the nerve. Ouch. Between falling asleep at 2:30 and my alarm going off at 6:30, I slept like a log. During that time, I had a few very weird dreams! Every one of them involved my dad. One was the type where you dream of waking up and going on about your day… does that happen to anyone else? Well it does to me, all the time. It’s very disorienting! But this time I dreamt that I woke up, stumbled into the kitchen, and there was my sweet daddy! Instead of feeding my large crew a huge fruit salad, he suggested we make biscuits and gravy. So we did. Together. It was the best dream I’ve had in a while! I woke up missing my dad terribly. And craving biscuits and gravy like only he can make them! As I stumbled into the kitchen to start breakfast, I choked back the tears. It’s been too long since I was able to be home with my dad for Father’s Day. Thanks to being so tired, a large part of me was pulling towards the couch and a box of kleenex for a good cry. But since I’m not a crier, it wasn’t too hard for the smaller part of me to shake my head, grab some caffeine, and change the subject in my mind. Breakfast. Focus.
An hour or two later, my precious missionary came home. He too crawled into bed at 12:30 am. But he crawled out again at 4:30 to take Amy to the airport. “Poor guy,” I thought. “He’s liable to be very tired and cranky today… I know I would be.” But upon walking in the door, he was greeted by his two eldest daughters. Of course they run to him with their arms up and he instantly smiles and says “hi my little dolls!” He picks them up and hugs them as if he has all the energy in the world. At that moment, I didn’t have the brain power to do much with this information. But it’s been sinking in all day. I still don’t have a lot of brain power for anything, but it keeps coming back to me. What a good daddy he is. When Cloe or Gabi call his name, he’s there. He’s happy to see them. No matter how ornery they’ve been that day or what they may have just gotten in trouble for, he loves them just the same.
I feel like my dad is still that way with me. No matter when I call him, day or night, I feel like he’s happy to hear my voice. He always meets my “hi Daddy!” with a happy “hi Sweetheart” and there’s nothing quite like it. Sometimes I will call my dad when I’m having issues with my kids or any number of other relationships in my life. As the phone rings I think “I’m just going lose it and bawl and not be able to tell him what’s going on…” and then he answers. Something in my heart is comforted and nothing seems as life-shattering as it did a minute ago. I’m not sure why my dad has that effect on me, but I’m grateful for it. I can’t imagine my world without him.
My Abba Father is really great, too. My relationship with Him has never been more dear to me than it is now. I love how patiently He calls us. How faithfully He waits for us to respond to Him. I’ve had this song running through my head all afternoon…
How deep the Father’s love for us,
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure
I feel so blessed tonight. I don’t deserve to be married to a man who has turned out to be such a fabulous daddy. I hope some day my girls can grasp how desperately Nathan loves them and wants every good thing for them.
I don’t deserve a daddy who puts up with my endless whining. Let alone one who always has an encouraging word for me. One who always sounds happy to hear my voice. Somehow, someday, I hope to be able to be able to bless him back.
I most especially don’t deserve a Heavenly Father who so thoroughly pursues a relationship with me. Who accepts my “God I’ve messed up…” over and over again. A Father who is always happy to hear my voice, and is thrilled when I just want to tell Him about my day. One who, if I am willing to listen a moment, always has an encouraging word for me. A Father who desperately loves me and wants every good thing for me. I hope you know that these things apply to you, as well. He would be just as tickled to hear from you tonight. He desperately loves you and longs to hear you call Him “Father”.
I pray that you had a good day celebrating the fathers around you. I am so grateful for all of the ones around me!