Letter to Heaven

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Dear Billy,

6 years ago today, the world lost a really great person.  It was truly Heaven’s gain.  There is less teasing at home when we’re all together for holidays.  Less hugging, too.  I love how liberal you were with your hugs… your teasing, too!  I like to imagine that you’ve made as many friends up there as you had down here.  That you tease them as sweetly as you teased all of us.  And now you get the sheer joy of actually hugging our Lord Jesus!

I wouldn’t take Heaven away from you, even if I could.  I couldn’t ask you to leave the perfection of your new home and body.  I wouldn’t dream of asking you to give up the amazing time you must be having there, walking and talking with God face to face!  It’s hard for us to imagine how perfectly whole and happy and amazing it is there.  In fact I don’t think our little minds could grasp it, even if we *could* imagine it.  So I wouldn’t ask you to leave.  I just wish it would be possible for you to visit here.

Since you went home to be with Jesus, so much has happened here.  I’ve had 3 babies!  All girls, and all SO much fun!  You would just love them.  We talk about you all the time, and they regularly ask for “Unca Billy” stories.  Just last night Cloe asked me again about the time you caught that little hummingbird, right out of the air.  A few weeks ago she was waiting for something and said “I’ll just have to be patient like Unca Billy.” 🙂 I can’t wait for you to meet her someday.  And Gabi, when she sees your picture, says “he so handsome hu Mama?”  You’ll love her, too.  She’s a total handful, and completely precious.  I know you and Brennah will be great friends too, because she’s just like Kimberly.  I also lost 3 babies to miscarriages over the years.  But perhaps you already know them?  Remember after my first miscarriage (just 2 months before you went Home) you brought me a Selah CD?  It had a song about a miscarried baby and said “Heaven will hold you before we do.”  It adds an element of peace to my heart to think that you are there with Jesus, looking after those babies.

We moved to Mexico almost 5 yrs ago!  Remember how we used to talk about you coming to visit?  You and Nathan would day-dream about kayaking and rock-climbing down here together.  I would give just about anything for that to happen.  But now I try to just look forward to what Heaven will be like.  Knowing that you are already there makes it seem even sweeter.

I can’t believe it’s been 6 yrs since you went home.  In some ways, it seems like it’s been SO much longer.  It makes me sad that so much has happened since you left.  Other times though, it feels like it was just yesterday that we were talking up in the loft until almost midnight.  That was the last conversation we had together, and I will treasure it always.

I guess I could go on for a long time about things I want to share with you and how much you are missed.  But I will close by saying that no one has forgotten you here!  We still talk about your love for Jesus, your loyalty to your family, your great hockey skills, and so much more!  I miss your smile, and SO look forward to seeing it again.  I love you!

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12 responses »

  1. Oh my gosh,
    I read it, I appreciated it, but this is a read-once for me.
    I know I will never get over this loss, it only helps that we have a hope for our future.
    Love you Wm Jacob, you were a treasure here on earth!

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  2. wow Julie that was beautiful , I miss him too ,love you Billy older brother who taught me so much about life and how to love

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  3. I can’t express myself completely because I’m just on my phone but I want you to know how PRECIOUS this was to me. I cried like I haven’t in many months. Thank you SO much .

    I love you.

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    • Sweet Mama, I do NOT like to make you cry. But sometimes all these things in my head just need a way out. I’ve been writing mental letters for a long time, but typing it out really helped.
      I love you SO much.

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  4. Julie, thanks so much for sharing. I sat here and bawled. It made me think about Peter, too. None of us would have guessed six and a half years ago that both he and Billy be in heaven now. And sometimes it’s still so hard.

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    • It’s a good thing God doesn’t let us see these things ahead of time, don’t you think? But it’s comforting to know others (like you) who feel the same hole in their lives. I know you miss Peter as much as I miss Billy. What a reunion place Heaven is going to be!!!

      Like

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