My heart breaks


If you’ve ever held one of your children as they feverishly tried to sleep at night, you know where I’m coming from.  My sweet baby Brennah woke up around 1 am with a fever, and has kept it all day today.  This child is so unbelievably sweet… it breaks my heart to see her uncomfortable!  We have spent the vast majority of this day just holding each other, nursing, singing, and staring into one-another’s eyes.  As I put her to bed a little bit ago, she pulled her blanket up under her chin and smiled at me.  A most sincere baby “thank you” if I ever saw one.  I could not choke back the tears as I kissed her warm forehead and prayed for her.  What I wouldn’t do to take on all her discomfort myself!!!  If there was some way to just transfer her fever, teething, and stuffy nose to myself, I would do it in a heartbeat.

Isn’t that incredible?  I’m almost startled at the intensity of my love for my children.  I remember my mom telling me many many years ago that I wouldn’t understand how much she loves me until I had my own kids.  Now I can see the truth in that!  Nothing compares to it.  Even as much as I adore my sweet husband, it’s not the same.  If he is the one with the cold, I feel terrible!  I’ll pull out every trick in the book to make him feel more comfortable and pampered.  But deep down, I’m hoping I don’t catch it!  😉

I have been captivated recently by a thought from Beth Moore’s book entitled “Jesus, the One and only.”  In this particular chapter, we are studying the story of Jesus bringing a widow’s son back to life.  Let me just copy a little piece of it here…

“Jesus ran in to a woman in hopeless despair and just reacted with what came most naturally to Him – healing mercy.  Oh, how I praise Him!  I believe we possibly have a small glimpse into what Christ would do in every one of our despairing situations if a greater plan was not at stake.  I believe what comes most naturally to Christ every time He encounters a need is to instantly fix it.  Is it possible He exercises great restraint to work any other way in the face of devastation?  I think so.”

This hit home with me on so many levels.  But the level I’m focused on tonight is that we are made in God’s image!  We have this overwhelming desire to fix our kid’s hurts and spare them from pain at any cost.  I don’t think we come by that on our own.  We are that way because He is that way.  What’s more, any bit of good in us is just a fraction of what and who HE is.  So if we are this protective and head-over-heels for our children, how much more compassionate is He towards us?  It’s hard for me to fathom.  If it hurts me so much to see my baby running a mild temperature, imagine the agony Christ feels when our hearts are breaking over a lost family member or friend.  Or mourning the death of a relationship or season in our life.  The difference between me and God (well, one of many) is that He can see the whole picture.  He can see the necessary part of the hurt we’re going through, even though we can’t.  But one of the ways that we are the same, is that He desires our trust.  I want my kids to know that they can trust me!  I want them to be completely confident that their mama wants *only* the best for them and that I am going to do anything I can to insure it, even when they can’t see the reason behind it.  After all, they are just kids.  I can’t honestly expect my 2 yr old to understand the “why” behind something I’m doing that she doesn’t like.  I just need her to trust that I love her more than life (Christ literally did that, by the way) and she needs to trust me.  How much more does this apply to us and God?  And how much more trustworthy is He than we are, anyway?

I can trust in the sovereignty of God because I am so convinced of the sweetness of God.


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