Strange how it comes and goes, isn’t it? I’m not talking about the “I can run 10 miles today” kind of energy (I don’t remember thinking that since I had Cloe 5 yrs ago, actually…) though it’s amazing how THAT kind disappears on me as well!
No, I mean the emotional energy that seems boundless around some people, and completely dry around others. The first example that comes to my mind is my little sister Kimberly. That is, she is the first *positive* example that comes to my mind! 😉 When I grow up some day, I want to be like her. I don’t remember ever thinking “ugh… I just don’t have the energy to deal with Kimberly right now.” But I’m quite sure that people have thought that about me! Here’s another strange fact about Kimberly and those like her… no matter how much energy you pour into her, you never feel sapped. Why is that? How does a person learn to be one of those people that only multiplies your energy level? We all need more people like that in our lives, I think.
My current struggle is with a few random people that are not at all like Kimberly. Some, I can pour energy into, feel drained for a while, but eventually the supply refills and I am totally fine pouring more into them again. Others… well I have a hard time explaining the others. At one time I remember having energy to give them. But somehow, those supply lines have run dry and aren’t refilling. I wonder why that is?
[Random rabbit trail: does anyone else automatically think of creepy “Lost” characters when you hear the word “others”? I do…]
I’ve recently started Beth Moore’s Esther study with 2 friends here. We’re only on week 2 right now, but I’m loving it! I pretty much just love Beth, though. She is so transparent and passionate and easy to relate to! Yesterday in the session 2 video, she made a comment that I’ve been thinking about. She said “God is attracted to weakness.” I’ve really seen that to be true in my life. When I have times of having no strength left to deal with children or whatever current situation I’m in, He’s there. But He’s never pushy about it. Don’t you love that about Him? He’s an absolute gentleman. He wants to be there for you, but He won’t push His way in… He waits for an invitation. But when I invite Him in, He is faithful to rush to my weakness and prove Himself strong. I’ve seen it so many times in my day-to-day struggles with strong-willed children. It’s been just as helpful in my marriage. The only question is why it takes me so long to come to the point of crying out “Lord I’m at the end of myself here! Help!!!”
Here’s the thing. Remember those emotionally draining relationships from earlier? Those don’t seem to always apply to the “end-of-my-rope” prayer I mentioned. For sure, that prayer helps my peace of mind… any conversation with God does. But more and more lately, instead of renewed energy, I feel something more like a need to be smarter about this. Numerous people have told me, on numerous occasions, that I invest too much in one-sided relationships. My precious husband keeps trying to encourage me to be more realistic when it comes to these situations. Not that I should not keep investing, but that I need to be more realistic about what I’m expecting in return.
Hold on… haven’t I already blogged about expectations? I told you… it’s a problem with me.
Anyway, I want to change. I want to still be able to invest a little in those one-sided relationships, but be realistic about how they will respond. I do not want to become cynical about these people and their responses (or lack thereof), but neither do I want to get my hopes up for a great relationship and continue to be hurt when those dreams bite the dust. Again. And again. Where, exactly, is the balance between realistic and optimistic here? This is my struggle for the day. As always, I would love to hear what you think about it!